This is me. Open. Vulnerable. Not often I let myself be seen. Fully and without trying to mask it. I am consciously doing this. Because too long have I tried to be strong, when I needn’t to be. Too long have I preferred to hide myself and emotions away. I don’t want to hide anymore. I am cracked open and…
Welcome to the Jungle!
So I am living in the jungle. I switched from city to jungle life and when you do, you loose all sense of time. You don’t know what day it is but at least you roughly know what time it is. In the morning, you are waking up at 5 am. The first birds are starting to sing and more…
Learning how to stay…
Day 16 in at Capital Hostel de Cuidad in San José. It has been truly wonderful to stay in this hostel. It became my home. I realised I had everything I needed: A comfy bed, a good equipped kitchen, many different outside spaces, a living room and everything beautifully designed. So last week I thought I would leave after my…
Metamorphosis and the Circle of Life
Here I am, traveling for 3 weeks – already.
I am aware that I am not the ordinary traveler. I am slow moving and I have time. Usually people go somewhere to experience a country, to see things, to go on trips etc. Although it was my intention to do these things and being active and adventurous, it hasn’t quite turned out that way. Yet?
So what went wrong? I couldn’t quite connect with the places I visited. Though I witnessed a lot of beautiful nature, I noticed a lot of fences and even more barbwire around public and private buildings. It makes you suspicious and leaves you wondering how safe this place really is. It was different from what I used to. Different to South East Asia where I spent over a year in total in the past 2,5 years.
I felt discomfort: Being totally on my own again, not speaking the language, having to organise a place to sleep every few nights and of course food, which might be different from what I used to or need. To feel that way is pretty normal and I do remember it when I first started traveling. I was just stretching my comfort zone again. Out of security, into uncertainty. I still haven’t quite embraced that feeling, but with time I am learning how to handle it.
On the way I remembered to trust again, to know that everything will fall into place. To believe that everything I need is cared for, as long as I listen to my inner voice. Instead of relying on other co-travellers, I researched and asked people how to get from point A to B. I realised if this was the way to go, then the universe would support me. And it did!
Prior my trip I heard about a 4-day festival called Envision. A festival with about 6.000 people come together and celebrate music, art, yoga, spirituality and permaculture. I knew it would be a crowded place and to find affordable last minute accommodation could be a challenge. Nevertheless I found myself on a bus going on a 3h trip to Uvita where the festival was held. I already met lovely people on the bus who were going to work as volunteers. As they got off their station, I still had a few more minutes to go. I started to get nervous as I didn’t have a destination – a place to stay. Though the whole way, I knew I was on the right path. The bus stopped in the burning mid day sun. I sat down at the bus station and did some research on my phone and found a place not only reasonable priced, but also near by in walking distance. I felt great comfort knowing I had a place to stay. At least for two days until the festival would start and that meant everything was booked unless you pay hundreds of dollars. Interestingly you can pay in USD in this country.
At this point I still wasn’t sure if I really wanted to go. How much fun would it be going on a festival all by yourself? And where should I get a tent from in a place with 1000 inhabitants living? Well if it is meant to be, it is. So I met people and I found a tent in the small super market in the village.
I enjoyed the festival. I attended a somatic Breathwork class (read: Dance & Breathwork), a yoga class with Yoga Girl, went to talks about permaculture and herbs, ate delicious vegan food, laid on the floor in Shavasana listening to incredible live music and sound healing artists. For sunset I would go to the beach, where everyone celebrated the sun leaving the horizon in the most luminous way she could.
As day turned into night, I found myself dancing barefoot at different stages to various artists. And I especially fell in love with one of them: Mose. Not with the artist, but his music.
During his set, I found myself reconnecting to the parts that I had lost. I didn’t even know they were lost, until I felt the vibration of the sound within me. My body started moving – slowly – to the beat of the first song. With ease my hands lifted, circling through the air, almost like floating. Floating in an ocean with a strong current, expressed in the softest way possible.
‘Naturaleza’ and ‘Shante Ishta’ are my absolute favourites right now.
After the festival I went back to the same hostel. The first shower and the first night in a real bed were a delight to both body and mind. Though I met nice people I briefly connected with, I didn’t meet a travel companion. Although I enjoy being on my own, sometimes it is just more fun. Well I didn’t even know where to go next. Going to the Caribbean beaches or south to Panama or maybe jumping right into South America going to Colombia. Or maybe up north to Nicaragua. I heard peoples stories about the beauty of these countries and some of them more safe than others. I promised myself to stay until I was able to decide, so I kept extending my stay with one night at a time to really feel into what it is I want, where it is I want to go.
On the third morning I still couldn’t feel it. I got sad and also a bit mad as I desperately wanted to leave this place and do something. As I do believe in signs, I asked for one leading me out of my desperation. That morning I started talking to a someone in the garden, just after I talked to a friend and declared my ‘non-enchantment’ about Costa Rica and how I would leave as soon as possible and how it just wasn’t my country. I admired his beautifully imaged Oracle cards. We started talking and ended up giving each other readings with messages that we both needed to hear. Sometimes the universe sends you these people, because you need to hear what you already know deep in your heart, but for some reason had forgotten. Or you started doubting it, because you feel you went backwards on your path instead of forward, which makes it easier for impatience to grow and trust to fade away.
Before we read the cards to each other, we had a shamanic ritual. I felt how old energy was leaving my body and how more space was created. He talked about the circle of life; how the cater pillar turns into a butterfly and the growing pain that comes with it. I felt it right there – the pain that comes from outgrowing your usual environment, your beliefs about what you think is possible in life. I also felt how everything I ever wanted, will come into manifestation; in one way or the other. I believe in the signs my body is giving, whether it be positive or negative. It is up to us to listen and to feel.
As our conversation naturally came to an end I felt grounded and at peace. We talked about Peru and how we want to learn more about the great wisdoms that Shamans of the indigenous cultures hold. I know I will end my trip there in a few month. But what about now!?
Well, I did feel more clarity and felt I needed to go back to San José, the main capital. Three hours later I found myself on the bus and by the evening in one of the nicest hostels I ever stayed in: CAPITAL Hostel de Cuidad in San Jose. And after 8 nights I am still here and still don’t have any clue where to go!
BUT something happened. After the initial panic – a mix of FOMO (Fear of missing out), doubt and a pinch of anger, I started grounding myself again – with lots of sleep, yoga, meditation and nutritious foods. Every day, until one day, I knew what to do. As you can imagine, it is this website: Sound & Stories!
No, it wasn’t an overnight idea. It was born over a year ago and I had talked about it for ages. NOW it was time! Every day, when people left the hostel for their adventures, I started creating. I was all by myself. Despair turned into clarity and understanding. I understood why I didn’t know where to go, because I was supposed to stay. To stay and give birth to this project I have been longing for in a very long time. As with any labour, it comes with a lot of dedication, waiting and uncertainty. Again, I promised myself to take one day at a time: the technical part, the design, the words and images.
The more I reconnect with myself and only myself, the more the words were flowing. I realised, everything I asked for a few days back, had been delivered: A beautiful, harmonious place where I can just be, rest, rejuvenate and create.
I am truly grateful for this experinece and what it has teached me so far. I do believe the Universe and Costa Rica will release me, as soon as I hit the Publish-Button. At least from this hostel, because it is time to leave the nest and see more of this beautiful world.